What is a Man?

How do you describe a man? Someone with huge muscles? A macho with hoarse voice? Or someone who is just assertive and dominant?

Our first influence...

As men, our first idea of what a man is directly points to our father.

We grow up seeing him everyday. How he treats us, and how he treats those around him.

Our parents teach us what is expected of men - what we are supposed do, how we are expected to behave, and so on. They raise us in these standards accordingly.

Other factors...

The environment we in also plays a huge role.

Ever been part of those heated lunch conversations/debates at office? What our friends believe definitely influences us in ways we can't imagine.

Effects of online content...

Oops...how can I forget the biggest of them all? - Social Media.

Ever come across those 'sigma male' reels on Instagram or YouTube Shorts?

Yes, the content that teaches us that 'dollar bills' will solve all your problems (insert a luxury car in the background and a bearded man driving it. Quite surreal, eh?).

The society pushes the narrative on what it means to be a man. It tells us how we need to feel, think, and act.

All these factors play a large role in our understanding of manhood.

Everyone has something to say on what a man is.

Here's the catch...

Well, sorry to say, but you may be wrong.

The picture of a successful man in our minds may be superficial, or outright wrong! Thanks to all the influences of our upbringing, environment, and social media.

How do I say this so confidently? Well, look around you.

Depression, pain, guilt, broken relationships...and the list goes on.

We are in the middle of a crisis.

People, especially men have lost sense of their identity more than ever in this generation. And because of stigma, we are expected to bury it deep down.

You might see happy faces all around you, but you'll never know people's internal struggles.

So, what went wrong? Was it always this way? Were things better before?

Though we may not have all the answers, we can surely start building the blocks of manhood again and make it right.

Starting from YOU.

A reality check...

Okay, so how do we begin?

I think it's very important for each of us confront ourselves. What is our idea of a good man? Is it just physical attributes? Is it a set of characteristics? Or something else?

Let's lay down everything we have believed till now.

We need to understand that we are conditioned. Conditioned to think about men in certain ways, for good or for worse.

Just imagine going through your whole life being wrong about some ideas, and ultimately faces the negative consequences of it down the line.

You follow some funny advice on YouTube, and BAM! You are being an arrogant prick whom nobody likes. Or you have submitted yourself to some ideology, and have lost your sense of identity along the way.

Doesn't seem that great of a life, eh? Relying on wrong assumptions is a life wasted and one that's not fulfilling or living.

My thought process...

Let me tell you something personal.

Growing up, I too had my set of beliefs. But I realised some of them were doing more harm than good.

Following this, I began to develop my own idea of what it means to be a man. And I can vouch for them as I have personally experienced their benefits.

Through a lot of careful consideration, I have compiled them in this post.

Here are few values I believe that makes you a complete man:

1. Have a value system

You are what you believe in.

Build a core set of principles which you wish to live by.

Don't be a wave in the ocean, carried away by every tide in different directions. But rather a well-planted tree, standing your ground no matter the how the wind blows.

People will respect you when you stand up for the right things.

2. Know boundaries with self and others

A man without boundaries is like a vehicle without brakes.

You think you are limitless, but ultimately you will crash.

Know what you should be doing, at what time, and at what place. Be wise and use discernment based on the situation you are in.

Also, build boundaries with people - I say this in a good sense. When you open up yourself to toxic people, you will lose yourself - your charisma, your charm and your personality.

Knowing how much you can tolerate, and when to step away is very important.

3. Self control

All of us have our vices.

But remember to exercise self-control over them.

Also, beware of vices that you need to completely avoid altogether.

Practice self control with people too. You could be capable of harming people who have hurt you. But showing mercy and grace is true character.

4. Develop a personality

Everyone likes someone who has a personality. Such people are easy to understand, and also approachable.

If you are secure about your values and act consistently on them, you can be free to explore other sides of your personality, like humour or wit.

It's good to remember that your personality must be genuine, and not be based upon the acceptance of others.

Have your own unique identity!

5. Compassionate to people

The true character of a man is brought out in the way he treats others.

If you are insecure, you get validation by flaunting your power, wealth, or status to the society.

If you are bitter, you can make your family and friends suffer due to your pessimism, and also show contempt to people lower in status.

But a man who is kind towards people is someone who has the right values. He aims not to seek the approval of others through his works. His generosity is a result of his values.

6. Conquer in your vocation

Do you know that feeling - after finishing up a major project when your boss says 'Good job!' in front of your colleagues? Priceless!

Every man finds fulfilment in a job well done, be it big or small.

You MUST have a deep desire to conquer, in every aspect of your life.

Do not sit around idly showing no interest towards your work.

Show passion, and get things done!

7. Face trials

Difficult situations are an inevitable part of life.

No matter how much we run from it, it will circle back to us. This comes at every stage of life.

You can go through these times and become more pessimistic about life. Worse, you might even consider yourself a victim.

But a real man conquers trials, and stands his ground even when it's hard. He will become a better person through these tough times.

It's ok to be weak at times. But the fight in you must always prevail. Face those trials and don't allow yourself to feel defeated because of them.

Trials come in all shapes and sizes - a major one, like career crisis, or something pretty tiny, like boldly communicating what you feel with someone.

8. Lead and teach

'Practice what you preach.'

Well, in this case, 'Preach what you practice.'

Men - step up and train the next generation. If you don't, someone else will.

Let's not give chance to social media or insecure men to indoctrinate their toxic values upon the men of today.

The younger generation needs a role model. Someone who not only practices, but also preaches and teaches these things. Be approachable, don't be judgemental, show mercy, and have patience.

Be a leader. If not you, then who?

Well, that brings me to the end of my blog. Hope you had a good time reading it, as much as I had writing it.

Catch y'all in the next one! :)